Simply Whelmed

I've had the general feeling of being overwhelmed lately. Unfortunately, the word overwhelmed always tends to carry a negative connotation. I am not drowning in a sea of desperation; quite the contrary. I have a positive overwhelmed buzz. The kind where life presents so many opportunities, discussions to have, people to talk to, books to read, places to travel to, events to plan, moments to enjoy...

However, there is an element sometimes of feeling overwhelmed with a flavor of frustration. I will be sitting in one of our seminars, after a 3 hour lecture, and everyone in the room has an opinion. A valid opinion. One that comes from life experience, academic experience, clinical experience, work experience. We are agreeing, disagreeing, partially some of both. Usually, I like to sift things out and come out with a nice, neat answer. That's easy enough, isn't it? To just be sure that this very deep, very complex topic has just one, clean answer? No. I know better. My experience tells me that it is never never that simple. I have to listen, toss it over, discuss it, and appreciate the process. But I'm overwhelmed.

Time is a tricky concept. We have this notion that X has to happen in X amount of time. Such a premise may or may not be true, but I'm learning that so much can happen in so little a time, and conversely, so little can happen over a long period of time. Often, it is not what we expect or plan for. More ambiguity. I'm overwhelmed.

I feel that so many things have changed for me. I've met so many fantastic people. Their story is so different from mine. I'm learning from them. I'm currently entrenched in 3 books, with at least 10 in the queue-- additional article and journal reading as a daily side. Men and women have devoted their life (or a good part of their life) to a particular idea, cause, or research process and I'm trying to absorb what they are saying. What do you keep, what do you throw out, what do you save for later? My head spins with all these new thoughts, new ideas, new realizations. One of my friends said the other day, "When I am sitting there [in class] uncomfortable, I love it! Because I know then that I am learning." Sometimes I have to go for a run or watch TV to take a break from it all. Then there's the future to consider at some point...what do these people, these books, these ideas all mean to my life? I am feeling like it is too early to start that process...I'm overwhelmed.

Then, of course, there is just the brass and tacks of every day life. Finances. Transportation. Groceries. Keeping in contact with people back home. What will I be for Halloween?!?!? I'm overwhelmed.

And yet I don't feel weighed down. Some of the components of my new routines and experiences here in Derry are complex, ambiguous, and complicated on a personal, academic, and logistical level. But life is rich and I don't want to place any kind of negative slant on these new things. Therefore, I'm simply whelmed.