Living by False Premises

The film Up In The Air, though quixotic and fairly predictable, was charming and posed some questions that humans seem to ask quite frequently.

Is it better to risk waking up to a stale marriage in your late thirties, settled with a mortgage and kids but comfortable and content enough? Or is it better to keep your mobility and options open, commitment free and unattached but quite alone and forgettable and even regrettable to those you encounter? Does technology replace or only enhance human interaction? Can 'home' be everywhere or more than one place? Is 'family' obligation and loyalty more important inherently than our obligations to our created social families? Is it natural and healthy to create a blue-print for our lives or is it our deeper neurotic impulses that lead us to construct our plans in order to feel more in control of what is ultimately unpredictable and bordering chaotic?

It strikes me that the above-mentioned scenarios are neither better nor worse than each other. In fact, asking them in such a fashion distracts the questioner from the overarching point--the true nature of our heart's desires. All of the characters in this film were creating a way of life for themselves by chasing after milestones (marriage, 10 million miles, successful career) which symbolized their deeper desires (love, freedom, stability, happiness). If we receive a trophy for that which we have not truly achieved, it is only a plastic statue. Yet we humans tend to live by the false premises that "if A" then "B". If I get married, then I will be loved (or at least not lonely). If I travel around the world or put my job above relationships, remaining singularly unattached, I will always be free and there will be no risk of getting trapped. If my life follows my pre-set plan and conforms to my expectations, I will be secure and happy.

Upon closer inspection, it is evident that physical circumstances cannot lead to the fulfillment of our deepest desires. We can celebrate all circumstances and derive joy from them but they are not the source of our joy. Our outward realities and relationships may give the appearance of success and fulfillment, but ultimately if we desire love, freedom and security neither marriage nor a life of travel nor a high-paying successful job will lead us towards those experiences if our minds and our hearts are not already finding love and freedom and security throughout our day. Might we consider that our heart's desires and their fulfillment flow from the same source?