This past week, I attended two meetings in the same day which focused on environmental initiatives towards more sustainable environmental practices. What I took away from those meetings (besides a mixed-bag of emotions of frustration and inspiration) was a reflection on the way we humans communicate our values and messages to other humans and the difference between resorting to shame and control as an impetus for change rather than inspiration and love.
I am reading The Moral Imagination by peace practitioner, theorist, lecturer, leader, etc. John Paul Lederach. The book is rich with insight and will likely inspire a future blog, but one of the central questions of the book is how does transformational change take place within an individual, a community, a country, and ultimately our world? I have come to view our relationship as a human community to our world as essentially a broken one in need of a transformation and restoration. I have come to this perspective through personal studies, encounters with others, and also most significantly through my year-long involvement as a teaching assistant for the Global Conversation Course. The principles of peacebuilding, which is essentially an endeavor to repair broken relationships at all levels, seem to me to apply to the way we approach a change in our thinking as it relates to how we live on this planet. A discussion on these connections and peacebuilding and The Moral Imagination for a later time, perhaps.
The first meeting involved a group of people from the local and university community of varying ages, influence, and experience with environmental research and activism. The primary goal of the meeting was to explore ways to take action steps to making SUNY New Paltz more energy efficient, touting the phrase 'Save Energy, Save Jobs' with both short and long-term goals. Simple common sense things like 'turn off your power switch in addition to your lights', motion sensor lighting, renovations to make our buildings more energy-efficient, and so on and so forth were proposed. Longer-term goals were obviously more involved and required more significant buy-in from administration and the community.
There was a tension in the room about such and such a point and its feasibility and the usual discussion about how to get the word out. But the REAL tensions underpinning these somewhat superfluous conversations, if I sensed correctly, were competing ideas of priorities in combination with a sense of urgency undercut with a layer of hopelessness that even if we could make people enact these changes it would be a small victory in comparison to what is actually needed. To sharpen the edge, it was clear that several individuals in the room were on the warpath. I try to use war language intentionally these days, or try not to use it at all, and I say this individual was on the warpath because their ideas revolved around ways to force people to make changes against their will that were consistent with their own belief about the way things should be.
I sat there vacillating between asking myself questions like 'is any of this relevant?' (beyond simply the merit of attempt) and 'is this the best we can offer our community?' and to unbridled frustration. My mind was racing. Save Energy Save Jobs may at some level be rationally correct: New York State does pay for utilities and in theory if everyone on 64 SUNY campuses made significantly better energy choices that would free up enough money to not cut as many people as proposed. But, in reality, this feels like utopian propoganda! Everyone knows that if they are vigilant in turning their lights off or sharing a refrigerator that SUNY will NOT translate those savings into fewer job cuts! Why do we bother with this message?!?!?! Another way that we turn to individual choices to try to solve systematic problems. (Click here for an intelligent exploration of this topic.http://www.orionmagazine.org/index.php/articles/article/4801/)
However, my frustrations crystallized when the comment was made to 'include delivery men in the policy to force vehicles to turn off rather than idle when they are on campus.' I thought about the imaginary scenario of some university official knocking on the window of my truck-driving/delivery grandparents (yes plural, my Grandma Martin has been cross-country truck driving with my Grandpa Martin for decades and they continue to do so into their 70's) and demanding they turn off their engines after a long and often grueling treck and with the stated rationale that "Energy efficiency, maa'm, Save Engery, Save Jobs!". I thought about how my father, who has also throughout periods of his life driven trucks to deliver produce to different vendors and how he would receive such a message from such a person. Not favorably, I'll venture.
Will the shared goal of educating people about how we can live more equitably with each other and our planet will be conveyed in such a scenario or the like? I think not. Shame* was the game here and I can smell that rat a mile away. Like most of you, I have prominent memories of how people tried to make me behave in a way they saw fit through shaming. I made some comments to the meeting participants (which in some ways felt like dissent but were honest, if that is still a virtue) and left feeling disappointed with our vision, or lack thereof.
In contrast, the second meeting was a smaller group of people and all of us have volunteered to plan a conference with the theme of 'Women and the Environment' for next year. One of our discussions revolved around the 'mood' we hope to create at the conference. We agreed that whatever structure and workshops we choose for the conference, we want to avoid shaming people. No smug declarations, no one-upping each other on who's carbon footprint is less, no making someone feel bad who walks in with a certain type of coffee or mug or brand of clothing. One of the attendees summed it up nicely when she shared about an experience she had at a similar conference where she felt people stood up and said 'Here is my farm. Here are my chickens. Look at how sustainably I am living.' She aptly exclaimed, "But there was no analysis! Everyone just sat around feeling good about themselves."
We decided that the following is our goal for this conference: We are hungry for a constructive dialogue. We want to celebrate the many different ways that people are striving to live in a more equitable way on this planet. We want people to evaluate their own lives as a part of a larger picture, one in which individual action AND political action are real conduits for change and transformation, whether internal or global. We want a deeper academic analysis as well as a more comprehensive analysis from community activists about what the issues are and how we are affected and can be involved. We want diversity to be visible, artists to be present, and the details to be well-thought out and appropriate. We will make the tensions of our lives, our world, and the systems we both criticize and utilize transparent as best we can. We will not shame. I left feeling inspired.
As one of my mentors says, I have just 'connected the dots' this week. Where does the heart of transformation lie? People, institutions, and societies make long-term changes when they are invited into and inspired by a different story than the one they have been living in. The sharing of the message never guarantees any particular response. Such is the nature of relationships. However, if the means/process is one of inspiration and love, there are possibilities for that to be re-produced. But if the means/process is one of control, blame, and shame any 'changes' will be made out of guilt or with contempt and bitterness and will likely disintegrate at the first chance of free choice in any case. Nonviolent activists for millenia have known this. Spiritual leaders have conveyed this message throughout recorded time. People who have inspired and challenged me to change had enough faith in the truth of their message (which is their life) that they presented me with opportunities to imagine a way different than the one I had known and in many cases made it clear that our relationship remains the same whether I follow a similar path or not.
I am guilty as the next person of trying to 'fix' someone, or to use shame to get someone to change, or to present an idea with passion and measure its success based on its receipt rather than to be content that my spoken truth alone was all that was required. What a joy and a paradox to live life with the hope but not the expectation that the world will become a better place.
*Shame has a place in the life of an individual and in a community as a response to something that is shameful like the Holocaust, the recent US teenage suicides, or our continual needless destruction of our environment. However, shame is useful when it takes the form of remorse or repentance rather than being used as a weapon by a person or group with an agenda for control. What do you think?
P.S. I do not suggest that we invite murderers and war criminals and the like into a world of transformational change without measures of control that we call 'law and order'. However, they too stand within and among these processes of transformational change.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
How do you measure a year in the life?
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
One year and a few weeks from my return back to the United States from Derry and I find myself wondering Has it been a year ALREADY?... Has it ONLY been a year? Yes it has only/already been a year: five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred minutes (thank you, Rent for helping me sidestep that actual calculation).
I recently returned to Ireland for a two-week stint, mostly in Co. Kerry and Clare, but also for a brief weekend back up in Derry. Cosmetically, a few things have changed. The Guildhall square had been re-done to sport attractive new fountains, benches and brick. Construction continues on Waterloo street and in the River Foyle for the new pedestrian bridge. The Immigrant Statues are gone and there is a new Cafe on the Strand Road. For the most part, it just felt like every other Sunday I had walked those streets. I felt little to no nostalgia but every sense of feeling like I was a visitor at home. Strange cocktail of emotions.
It's been a big year for Derry. The city recently won UK City of Culture for 2013. This is, of course, controversial for some because the honor is bestowed by the United Kingdom in a town many feel belongs to Ireland. Nonetheless, it is a big deal and it brings positive recognition to a town often overshadowed by London, Belfast, Dublin and Cork. The video captures the essence of Derry quite well. Watching it makes me realize that I miss the accent as much as the city itself and the people who remain there.
A monumental moment in history also captured international press this summer. The long-awaited Saville Report, also known as the Bloody Sunday Inquiry, was released to the public on June 15, 2010 and no one in Derry will forget that day. The report concluded that British PARA did, in fact, kill 13 unarmed and fleeing civilians in the streets on January 30, 1972, and that the British soldiers had tried to cover up what really happened on Bloody Sunday. British Prime Minister David Cameron issued a historic apology in which he described what British soldiers had done as "both unjustified and unjustifiable, it was wrong." Despite controversy over the cost of the inquiry--£400 million to date-- and also the fact that no one at a high level was truly implicated or held responsible, it was a day of victory for many.
Derry~Londonderry, a city of culture in transition was bombed just weeks ago. No one was killed or injured, but it was a sinister reminder that some are still holding onto the mentality that 'bombs cast a powerful vote'. A car bomb exploded outside of the police station just minutes from my old apartment. Such acts have been condemned by those from all communities and political perspectives, but the usual suspects continue to plague Northern Ireland with their worn-out rhetoric and uncreative means of communicating their ideas with their own society.
It's been a big year for me too. I am fairly certain I say that every year and there is a part of me that fears the day when I will not be able to say that. I started over once again in a new state, a new town, in a new job. In a curious way, the familiarity of that process for me (in 7 years: 3 moves to a different State, 2 moves to a different country, 13 moves to a different house/apartment) does actually lessen the difficulty that transition often presents. I am nearly one year now in New Paltz. The now familiar site of the Mohonk Mountain House tower on the Shawangunk Mountains and the contours of the Catskill Mountains remind me that I am home. I enjoy the funky little Main Street of New Paltz and the eclectic mix of students, rock climbers and other outdoor enthusiasts, bikers, New York City and Long Island transplants, working professionals, hippies, artists, and everyone in between. I like that I can be in midtown Manhatten in less than two hours on a weekend whim or conversely, climbing a rock face less than 30 minutes after I close my office door at the end of a work day. It is now geographically possible to see my family in Pennsylvania more than two or three times a year and that feels nice.
I'm not sure how to measure a year in the life but it seems to me that what I keep coming back to is who and what will stay and go? In my nearly one year in New Paltz, friends have come and gone, relationships have come and gone, and my students have come and gone. I continue to edit my worldview and keep or throw away my ideas, lifestyles, bias, and habits. It's a thrill and a heartbreak.
As I reflect on this past year while anticipating the start of another (for me, years feel like they start in August with classes--I am still operating on University time!), I wonder once again what and who in this coming year will stay and what and who will go? And although I have no immediate plans or intentions of leaving this place I call home, always at the back of my wander-lust mind is the question of, when will I go? Could I stay? I don't know the answer to that question but I look onward to another year and remain thankful for my year in Derry and this year of transition in New York.
In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
One year and a few weeks from my return back to the United States from Derry and I find myself wondering Has it been a year ALREADY?... Has it ONLY been a year? Yes it has only/already been a year: five-hundred-twenty-five-thousand-six-hundred minutes (thank you, Rent for helping me sidestep that actual calculation).
I recently returned to Ireland for a two-week stint, mostly in Co. Kerry and Clare, but also for a brief weekend back up in Derry. Cosmetically, a few things have changed. The Guildhall square had been re-done to sport attractive new fountains, benches and brick. Construction continues on Waterloo street and in the River Foyle for the new pedestrian bridge. The Immigrant Statues are gone and there is a new Cafe on the Strand Road. For the most part, it just felt like every other Sunday I had walked those streets. I felt little to no nostalgia but every sense of feeling like I was a visitor at home. Strange cocktail of emotions.
It's been a big year for Derry. The city recently won UK City of Culture for 2013. This is, of course, controversial for some because the honor is bestowed by the United Kingdom in a town many feel belongs to Ireland. Nonetheless, it is a big deal and it brings positive recognition to a town often overshadowed by London, Belfast, Dublin and Cork. The video captures the essence of Derry quite well. Watching it makes me realize that I miss the accent as much as the city itself and the people who remain there.
A monumental moment in history also captured international press this summer. The long-awaited Saville Report, also known as the Bloody Sunday Inquiry, was released to the public on June 15, 2010 and no one in Derry will forget that day. The report concluded that British PARA did, in fact, kill 13 unarmed and fleeing civilians in the streets on January 30, 1972, and that the British soldiers had tried to cover up what really happened on Bloody Sunday. British Prime Minister David Cameron issued a historic apology in which he described what British soldiers had done as "both unjustified and unjustifiable, it was wrong." Despite controversy over the cost of the inquiry--£400 million to date-- and also the fact that no one at a high level was truly implicated or held responsible, it was a day of victory for many.
Derry~Londonderry, a city of culture in transition was bombed just weeks ago. No one was killed or injured, but it was a sinister reminder that some are still holding onto the mentality that 'bombs cast a powerful vote'. A car bomb exploded outside of the police station just minutes from my old apartment. Such acts have been condemned by those from all communities and political perspectives, but the usual suspects continue to plague Northern Ireland with their worn-out rhetoric and uncreative means of communicating their ideas with their own society.
It's been a big year for me too. I am fairly certain I say that every year and there is a part of me that fears the day when I will not be able to say that. I started over once again in a new state, a new town, in a new job. In a curious way, the familiarity of that process for me (in 7 years: 3 moves to a different State, 2 moves to a different country, 13 moves to a different house/apartment) does actually lessen the difficulty that transition often presents. I am nearly one year now in New Paltz. The now familiar site of the Mohonk Mountain House tower on the Shawangunk Mountains and the contours of the Catskill Mountains remind me that I am home. I enjoy the funky little Main Street of New Paltz and the eclectic mix of students, rock climbers and other outdoor enthusiasts, bikers, New York City and Long Island transplants, working professionals, hippies, artists, and everyone in between. I like that I can be in midtown Manhatten in less than two hours on a weekend whim or conversely, climbing a rock face less than 30 minutes after I close my office door at the end of a work day. It is now geographically possible to see my family in Pennsylvania more than two or three times a year and that feels nice.
I'm not sure how to measure a year in the life but it seems to me that what I keep coming back to is who and what will stay and go? In my nearly one year in New Paltz, friends have come and gone, relationships have come and gone, and my students have come and gone. I continue to edit my worldview and keep or throw away my ideas, lifestyles, bias, and habits. It's a thrill and a heartbreak.
As I reflect on this past year while anticipating the start of another (for me, years feel like they start in August with classes--I am still operating on University time!), I wonder once again what and who in this coming year will stay and what and who will go? And although I have no immediate plans or intentions of leaving this place I call home, always at the back of my wander-lust mind is the question of, when will I go? Could I stay? I don't know the answer to that question but I look onward to another year and remain thankful for my year in Derry and this year of transition in New York.
In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Living by False Premises
The film Up In The Air, though quixotic and fairly predictable, was charming and posed some questions that humans seem to ask quite frequently.
Is it better to risk waking up to a stale marriage in your late thirties, settled with a mortgage and kids but comfortable and content enough? Or is it better to keep your mobility and options open, commitment free and unattached but quite alone and forgettable and even regrettable to those you encounter? Does technology replace or only enhance human interaction? Can 'home' be everywhere or more than one place? Is 'family' obligation and loyalty more important inherently than our obligations to our created social families? Is it natural and healthy to create a blue-print for our lives or is it our deeper neurotic impulses that lead us to construct our plans in order to feel more in control of what is ultimately unpredictable and bordering chaotic?
It strikes me that the above-mentioned scenarios are neither better nor worse than each other. In fact, asking them in such a fashion distracts the questioner from the overarching point--the true nature of our heart's desires. All of the characters in this film were creating a way of life for themselves by chasing after milestones (marriage, 10 million miles, successful career) which symbolized their deeper desires (love, freedom, stability, happiness). If we receive a trophy for that which we have not truly achieved, it is only a plastic statue. Yet we humans tend to live by the false premises that "if A" then "B". If I get married, then I will be loved (or at least not lonely). If I travel around the world or put my job above relationships, remaining singularly unattached, I will always be free and there will be no risk of getting trapped. If my life follows my pre-set plan and conforms to my expectations, I will be secure and happy.
Upon closer inspection, it is evident that physical circumstances cannot lead to the fulfillment of our deepest desires. We can celebrate all circumstances and derive joy from them but they are not the source of our joy. Our outward realities and relationships may give the appearance of success and fulfillment, but ultimately if we desire love, freedom and security neither marriage nor a life of travel nor a high-paying successful job will lead us towards those experiences if our minds and our hearts are not already finding love and freedom and security throughout our day. Might we consider that our heart's desires and their fulfillment flow from the same source?
Is it better to risk waking up to a stale marriage in your late thirties, settled with a mortgage and kids but comfortable and content enough? Or is it better to keep your mobility and options open, commitment free and unattached but quite alone and forgettable and even regrettable to those you encounter? Does technology replace or only enhance human interaction? Can 'home' be everywhere or more than one place? Is 'family' obligation and loyalty more important inherently than our obligations to our created social families? Is it natural and healthy to create a blue-print for our lives or is it our deeper neurotic impulses that lead us to construct our plans in order to feel more in control of what is ultimately unpredictable and bordering chaotic?
It strikes me that the above-mentioned scenarios are neither better nor worse than each other. In fact, asking them in such a fashion distracts the questioner from the overarching point--the true nature of our heart's desires. All of the characters in this film were creating a way of life for themselves by chasing after milestones (marriage, 10 million miles, successful career) which symbolized their deeper desires (love, freedom, stability, happiness). If we receive a trophy for that which we have not truly achieved, it is only a plastic statue. Yet we humans tend to live by the false premises that "if A" then "B". If I get married, then I will be loved (or at least not lonely). If I travel around the world or put my job above relationships, remaining singularly unattached, I will always be free and there will be no risk of getting trapped. If my life follows my pre-set plan and conforms to my expectations, I will be secure and happy.
Upon closer inspection, it is evident that physical circumstances cannot lead to the fulfillment of our deepest desires. We can celebrate all circumstances and derive joy from them but they are not the source of our joy. Our outward realities and relationships may give the appearance of success and fulfillment, but ultimately if we desire love, freedom and security neither marriage nor a life of travel nor a high-paying successful job will lead us towards those experiences if our minds and our hearts are not already finding love and freedom and security throughout our day. Might we consider that our heart's desires and their fulfillment flow from the same source?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
You Didn't Ask But I Will Tell
From glass alabaster she poured out the depths of her soul...
The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT) policy was repealed earlier this week*. Five gay teens committed suicide in the fall, causing an outpouring of sympathy and calls to action such as the 'It Gets Better' project. In 2009, Ugandan politicians proposed an Anti-Homosexuality bill which would criminalize being gay with provisions for imprisonment and even death. Earlier this year, Christian music artist Jennifer Knapp announced publicly that she is a lesbian and elicited both support and outrage.
The conversation that our society is having about homosexuality has been in my mind for a long time now and I have been working on throwing in my two cents for several months now. Why? Because my gay and lesbian friends and the gay and lesbian community have played a significant role in helping me redefine my own identity as a human being and to learn more about justice, compassion, equality, and service.
When Jennifer Knapp came out, she interviewed with 'Larry King Live', Christianity Today and the Advocate. I watched and/or read all of these interviews. I feel a personal connection with her story for several reasons. One, I grew up listening to her songs and even playing them for public audiences. Two, I have come from one understanding to an entirely different understanding about homosexuality in the course of my life. And three, recently I have had some very interesting discussions with people about modern homosexual experiences and realities. There are multiple layers to this story and it is one that sinks into my very core. To tell it is to expose. I appreciate Jennifer for how she has told her story not only through music but now also in the public forums that expose her to the two sided coin of scrutiny-- criticism and support.
In the community I grew up in, homosexuality was definitely in the Sin Box. The wrongness of it was on par with the blanket wrongness of abortion and adultery and divorce. I was told that "all sin is sin" but everyone knew the subtext: some sins really are MUCH worse. Engaging in the lesser-but-still-somehow-equal sins of pride, arrogance, greed, unkindness, and well... judgment were individual matters that everyone was expected to square away privately with God. But homosexuality... that makes you an open target for public, private and personal judgment.
Since homosexuality was under no circumstances considered a biological reality, we had to be given a reason for why people would choose to be gay and subject themselves to public ridicule, social stigma, and fewer legal rights and social benefits. The video my high school administration selected for us to watch told me that gays were often abused as children or suffered poor relationships with their parents and were basically acting out their trauma later in life. Also, I was told that in the same way some people are predisposed towards alcoholism people are predisposed to being gay but that they ultimately have the choice whether or not to fall into a sinful life or to seek help and become straight-- or at least to just not act on their tendencies, deny all sexual connections and live a celibate life.
At the time, I didn't have gay friends and I liked boys so I had no personal internal struggle to cause me to question the legitimacy of this perspective. Once upon a time in my life being gay was wrong and unnatural and it was one of the pillars of moral belief that one just didn't question.
Then in college, one of my friends, who belonged to a different church denomination than I did, told me that gay people could be members at their church (and consequently, women could also be pastors. Imagine that!). I argued with her about the inconsistencies of this premise based on such and such a Bible verse. I was pretty upset about it because it seemed like a glaring error for a whole entire Bible-believing denomination to make, but she didn't seem to mind that I disagreed with her and shrugged her shoulders and just said that is what their church believed.
About a year later, I read an interview in our student newspaper from our student body president who was not only openly gay, but also an active member for the same faith community I was a part of. I knew we claimed the same brand of faith because he used some of the 'code words' that people of my particular faith at the time used to describe themselves and their relationship to God and the church. He got a lot of ridicule for his position, particularly at the southern university I attended. I kept the magazine with me for a few days and read that interview again and again. He was not only gay and an active church member, but also dedicated to community service. What really got me thinking though, was how he responded to criticism and accusations and derogatory labels from his own faith community with such GRACE. It occurred to me that I had heard that word "grace" quite a bit over the years but that he was exhibiting something with his life that described this word in a way that I didn't often see from people who used that word the most. Including myself.
During my study abroad experience in Cyprus, 3 of my American peers were gay. I wasn't particularly close with any one of them but I enjoyed their company and also the fact that I could hang out with them without feeling like I was somehow condoning their lifestyle just by associating myself with them directly. Thousands of miles away from home, I could approach them simply as people and not as a "person who I fundamentally disagreed with." I didn't seem to care anymore what I thought about gay people and nobody there was looking for me to justify why I felt it was fine to befriend them.
Since graduating from college, I have worked for gay people and become friends with gay and lesbians and transgendered people and also continued friendships with old friends who have since come out. Most of the time we are just enjoying each other's company, but like all marginalized people, their reality is different than mine. I have seen and heard similar stories over and over again of ill-treatment and discrimination, particularly from groups of people who claim to live by love and faith.
So and so's father doesn't know she likes women and will refuse to pay for her school if he finds out. So and so wants to get married to his partner of nearly a decade and with whom he shares a home and a life, but the government says his relationship is illegitimate. So and so was called a dyke or a fag in the streets and someone tried to throw something out their window at her. Jennifer Knapp was told on national television that she cannot love both God and women.
Yet in spite of these ugly realities, so many of the openly homosexual people that I know personally or have come into contact with are comfortable being who they are in spite of discrimination, hate, and violence against them. In an apt reply to the condemnation of some in the Christian community, Jennifer Knapp is now able to say , “I’m quite comfortable to live with parts of myself that don’t make sense to you” (Advocate interview).
I too, have had to say this phrase over and over again in different ways in my life. I owe so much to my LGBT friends and mentors who set a strong example of how to be who you are without excuse but always with an openness to learn, reform and love in new capacities.
" ...hold onto what is honest and true, and let the rest of it just burn."
.......................................................................................................................................................................
*Read reports (and note the interesting way that this is reported differently) on the Huffington Post, Catholic News Agency, ABC News, Fox News
**beginning and end quotes are by Jennifer Knapp.
The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT) policy was repealed earlier this week*. Five gay teens committed suicide in the fall, causing an outpouring of sympathy and calls to action such as the 'It Gets Better' project. In 2009, Ugandan politicians proposed an Anti-Homosexuality bill which would criminalize being gay with provisions for imprisonment and even death. Earlier this year, Christian music artist Jennifer Knapp announced publicly that she is a lesbian and elicited both support and outrage.
The conversation that our society is having about homosexuality has been in my mind for a long time now and I have been working on throwing in my two cents for several months now. Why? Because my gay and lesbian friends and the gay and lesbian community have played a significant role in helping me redefine my own identity as a human being and to learn more about justice, compassion, equality, and service.
When Jennifer Knapp came out, she interviewed with 'Larry King Live', Christianity Today and the Advocate. I watched and/or read all of these interviews. I feel a personal connection with her story for several reasons. One, I grew up listening to her songs and even playing them for public audiences. Two, I have come from one understanding to an entirely different understanding about homosexuality in the course of my life. And three, recently I have had some very interesting discussions with people about modern homosexual experiences and realities. There are multiple layers to this story and it is one that sinks into my very core. To tell it is to expose. I appreciate Jennifer for how she has told her story not only through music but now also in the public forums that expose her to the two sided coin of scrutiny-- criticism and support.
In the community I grew up in, homosexuality was definitely in the Sin Box. The wrongness of it was on par with the blanket wrongness of abortion and adultery and divorce. I was told that "all sin is sin" but everyone knew the subtext: some sins really are MUCH worse. Engaging in the lesser-but-still-somehow-equal sins of pride, arrogance, greed, unkindness, and well... judgment were individual matters that everyone was expected to square away privately with God. But homosexuality... that makes you an open target for public, private and personal judgment.
Since homosexuality was under no circumstances considered a biological reality, we had to be given a reason for why people would choose to be gay and subject themselves to public ridicule, social stigma, and fewer legal rights and social benefits. The video my high school administration selected for us to watch told me that gays were often abused as children or suffered poor relationships with their parents and were basically acting out their trauma later in life. Also, I was told that in the same way some people are predisposed towards alcoholism people are predisposed to being gay but that they ultimately have the choice whether or not to fall into a sinful life or to seek help and become straight-- or at least to just not act on their tendencies, deny all sexual connections and live a celibate life.
At the time, I didn't have gay friends and I liked boys so I had no personal internal struggle to cause me to question the legitimacy of this perspective. Once upon a time in my life being gay was wrong and unnatural and it was one of the pillars of moral belief that one just didn't question.
Then in college, one of my friends, who belonged to a different church denomination than I did, told me that gay people could be members at their church (and consequently, women could also be pastors. Imagine that!). I argued with her about the inconsistencies of this premise based on such and such a Bible verse. I was pretty upset about it because it seemed like a glaring error for a whole entire Bible-believing denomination to make, but she didn't seem to mind that I disagreed with her and shrugged her shoulders and just said that is what their church believed.
About a year later, I read an interview in our student newspaper from our student body president who was not only openly gay, but also an active member for the same faith community I was a part of. I knew we claimed the same brand of faith because he used some of the 'code words' that people of my particular faith at the time used to describe themselves and their relationship to God and the church. He got a lot of ridicule for his position, particularly at the southern university I attended. I kept the magazine with me for a few days and read that interview again and again. He was not only gay and an active church member, but also dedicated to community service. What really got me thinking though, was how he responded to criticism and accusations and derogatory labels from his own faith community with such GRACE. It occurred to me that I had heard that word "grace" quite a bit over the years but that he was exhibiting something with his life that described this word in a way that I didn't often see from people who used that word the most. Including myself.
During my study abroad experience in Cyprus, 3 of my American peers were gay. I wasn't particularly close with any one of them but I enjoyed their company and also the fact that I could hang out with them without feeling like I was somehow condoning their lifestyle just by associating myself with them directly. Thousands of miles away from home, I could approach them simply as people and not as a "person who I fundamentally disagreed with." I didn't seem to care anymore what I thought about gay people and nobody there was looking for me to justify why I felt it was fine to befriend them.
Since graduating from college, I have worked for gay people and become friends with gay and lesbians and transgendered people and also continued friendships with old friends who have since come out. Most of the time we are just enjoying each other's company, but like all marginalized people, their reality is different than mine. I have seen and heard similar stories over and over again of ill-treatment and discrimination, particularly from groups of people who claim to live by love and faith.
So and so's father doesn't know she likes women and will refuse to pay for her school if he finds out. So and so wants to get married to his partner of nearly a decade and with whom he shares a home and a life, but the government says his relationship is illegitimate. So and so was called a dyke or a fag in the streets and someone tried to throw something out their window at her. Jennifer Knapp was told on national television that she cannot love both God and women.
Yet in spite of these ugly realities, so many of the openly homosexual people that I know personally or have come into contact with are comfortable being who they are in spite of discrimination, hate, and violence against them. In an apt reply to the condemnation of some in the Christian community, Jennifer Knapp is now able to say , “I’m quite comfortable to live with parts of myself that don’t make sense to you” (Advocate interview).
I too, have had to say this phrase over and over again in different ways in my life. I owe so much to my LGBT friends and mentors who set a strong example of how to be who you are without excuse but always with an openness to learn, reform and love in new capacities.
" ...hold onto what is honest and true, and let the rest of it just burn."
.......................................................................................................................................................................
*Read reports (and note the interesting way that this is reported differently) on the Huffington Post, Catholic News Agency, ABC News, Fox News
**beginning and end quotes are by Jennifer Knapp.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The fine line between Capable and Culpable
A wise man will never impawn his future being and action, and decide beforehand what he shall do in a given extreme event. Nature and God will instruct him in that hour.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Sam, would you ever (...)?" I took another bite of sushi and paused for a moment to consider the question. Would I ever? Well I haven't yet and probably won't, but my response (a surprise even to myself) flowed out automatically. "I'm definitely capable of it," I said.
In another recent scene from my life, I received a message from an old friend who shared a YouTube video of a live performance of the song "Revolution" by the Beatles. In this particular version John Lennon added the word "in" softly before the chorus that proclaims "when you talk about destruction, don't you know that you can count me out (in)." Lennon later explained in an interview that he couldn't say whether or not he would always be opposed to destruction, but that he currently was. My friend commented that Lennon's "ability for a notable cultural icon of peace to make such a statement is so revolutionary, but yet is very sensible and honest..."
Last year in my peace and conflict studies graduate program in Northern Ireland, I too understood, perhaps for the first time, that I was capable of destruction. Capable of violence. Capable of genocide. As I sat through lectures on terrorism, war, and genocide and looked more closely at how societies entrenched in violent conflict reach the point where there are death camps, killing fields, and "necessary" wars, I remember distinctly coming to a point where I thought to myself with a pit in my stomach... I am capable of this. Not because I am a "bad" person but because I realized that the Germans in the 30's and 40's weren't somehow more inherently "bad" people and neither were the Conquistadors, Crusaders, slave traders, colonialists, imperialists, and oppressors of every kind in their hour of darkness. They made choices, series of choices, collective choices day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year that led them to a time where it was rational and justified to kill, maim, rape and pillage others in the name of various causes, often so-called righteous causes.
So even if it is true that I am capable of the most horrific of deeds, it is not to assert that I would inevitably carry out the extreme evils if given the chance. However, this is the crux of the matter-- nothing is inevitable. Our assumptions about the strength of our individual moral composition do not make them true. However, it is to assert that the same selfish, unkind, and bigoted compulsions that would cause me to say an unkind word, think an unkind thought, or turn away callously from another's suffering is the same drive that would arise and compel me towards more sinister deeds if left unchecked or unrecognized.
You might at this point protest my theory by saying, "But I really never would do such and such a thing!" My response would be, how do you know? What proof do you have to substantiate your claims? Even the past is no indication of what you will face in the future. What you think you know is a mere belief and perception of your Self (and often the most noble conception of Self at that). But are our best hopes for ourselves to be considered on par with reality? Are our fantasies of our heroic Self in a yet-to-be-realized future the closest we can come to the truth? What are the consequences of refusing to rid ourselves of these delusions? What is the alternative to holding onto these illusions?
Feeding these false constructions of Self prevents us from addressing our Self fully as we are right now. In the Christian New Testament, before Christ is crucified he tells his disciples that they will deny him. One of the disciples, Peter, vehemently denies this vowing to stand by his friend and teacher to his death. When he is asked in actuality to stand by Jesus, he denies him and the Bible says he wept bitterly in shame. Peter was humbled when he realized his best ideas about who he was as a person were a farce and that in order to move forward with his life and his work in love he had to acknowledge who he really was, as he was.
What is a possible alternative? John Lennon had the courage to distance himself from the magical thinking of believing he knew what he would think and how he would act for the rest of his life. I think maybe he understood that he was capable of destruction and it was for that reason that he consciously chose to oppose it in that moment. This seems to me to be a refreshing, honest, and humble approach to living out our lives. What do I believe? When I tell you, be suspicious. Look at how I am living and then you will know what it is that I hold dear.
When I was a child, I distinctly remember sitting through many sermons where the pastor or evangelist challenged the audience to consider whether or not we would withstand tortures of all kinds and die for the faith that each of us claimed at that time. The question typically hung in a heavy silence as each pondered a scenario where one would have to face such a decision. I cannot say what everyone else was going through internally, but at the time, I remember feeling that if I could somehow answer and truly believe that YES! I would become a martyr... that somehow I was a better person and a better Christian. Looking back on those times, it seems like such a misplaced inquiry, grounded in no actual reality and nothing more than a shallow shaming exercise meant to lead one to make false assertions and thus strengthen the religious identity.
However, I understand the benefit of imagining what you might or might not do in any given circumstance, or what you would have done differently if considering the past. But the primary value of such exercises is that it encourages reflection on who you are in the present moment. Such imaginings neither confirm nor deny what you would or would not actually do in the Present moment of the Future. Strip away the illusions of the Self in a future circumstance and what remains is the Self in this moment. Nothing less and nothing more. The reverse can also be stated, let go of the memory of Self in the past, and what is left is a Self who has come into this moment. Nothing less and nothing more.
What this means, then, is that at no moment are we able to stand in judgment of others if our moral high ground is leveled as we come to a deep understanding of our own capacity to do the same as another in the same circumstances. Even if we contemplate our day to day encounters, we might be more inclined to extend grace to an ungracious person because we know that we are not only capable but often culpable of the same.
So, this reflection ultimately has culminated into the realization that I do not need to construct false beliefs that I will be a hero and shun cowardice in a moment where courage is needed. The truth of the matter is, the closest I can come to being a hero is paying attention to right-thinking (orthodoxy) and right-doing (orthopraxy) RIGHT NOW. I can claim that I will act with courage in the hour that it is needed, but indulging in such a fantasy is ultimately worthless. This is Pride, the manifestation of ego, which declares to know the Self by dogmatically constructing an identity around an ideology and thus effectively avoiding true reflection and possible transformation.
Doing flows from being (or, the Do-er is an extension of the Be-er). How am I being in my life right now? What does what I do say about who I am?
We are capable of all things, but not culpable of all things and there is a fine line that runs between them. Realizing this precipitates the welcome death of a false charade of Self.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Sam, would you ever (...)?" I took another bite of sushi and paused for a moment to consider the question. Would I ever? Well I haven't yet and probably won't, but my response (a surprise even to myself) flowed out automatically. "I'm definitely capable of it," I said.
In another recent scene from my life, I received a message from an old friend who shared a YouTube video of a live performance of the song "Revolution" by the Beatles. In this particular version John Lennon added the word "in" softly before the chorus that proclaims "when you talk about destruction, don't you know that you can count me out (in)." Lennon later explained in an interview that he couldn't say whether or not he would always be opposed to destruction, but that he currently was. My friend commented that Lennon's "ability for a notable cultural icon of peace to make such a statement is so revolutionary, but yet is very sensible and honest..."
Last year in my peace and conflict studies graduate program in Northern Ireland, I too understood, perhaps for the first time, that I was capable of destruction. Capable of violence. Capable of genocide. As I sat through lectures on terrorism, war, and genocide and looked more closely at how societies entrenched in violent conflict reach the point where there are death camps, killing fields, and "necessary" wars, I remember distinctly coming to a point where I thought to myself with a pit in my stomach... I am capable of this. Not because I am a "bad" person but because I realized that the Germans in the 30's and 40's weren't somehow more inherently "bad" people and neither were the Conquistadors, Crusaders, slave traders, colonialists, imperialists, and oppressors of every kind in their hour of darkness. They made choices, series of choices, collective choices day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year that led them to a time where it was rational and justified to kill, maim, rape and pillage others in the name of various causes, often so-called righteous causes.
So even if it is true that I am capable of the most horrific of deeds, it is not to assert that I would inevitably carry out the extreme evils if given the chance. However, this is the crux of the matter-- nothing is inevitable. Our assumptions about the strength of our individual moral composition do not make them true. However, it is to assert that the same selfish, unkind, and bigoted compulsions that would cause me to say an unkind word, think an unkind thought, or turn away callously from another's suffering is the same drive that would arise and compel me towards more sinister deeds if left unchecked or unrecognized.
You might at this point protest my theory by saying, "But I really never would do such and such a thing!" My response would be, how do you know? What proof do you have to substantiate your claims? Even the past is no indication of what you will face in the future. What you think you know is a mere belief and perception of your Self (and often the most noble conception of Self at that). But are our best hopes for ourselves to be considered on par with reality? Are our fantasies of our heroic Self in a yet-to-be-realized future the closest we can come to the truth? What are the consequences of refusing to rid ourselves of these delusions? What is the alternative to holding onto these illusions?
Feeding these false constructions of Self prevents us from addressing our Self fully as we are right now. In the Christian New Testament, before Christ is crucified he tells his disciples that they will deny him. One of the disciples, Peter, vehemently denies this vowing to stand by his friend and teacher to his death. When he is asked in actuality to stand by Jesus, he denies him and the Bible says he wept bitterly in shame. Peter was humbled when he realized his best ideas about who he was as a person were a farce and that in order to move forward with his life and his work in love he had to acknowledge who he really was, as he was.
What is a possible alternative? John Lennon had the courage to distance himself from the magical thinking of believing he knew what he would think and how he would act for the rest of his life. I think maybe he understood that he was capable of destruction and it was for that reason that he consciously chose to oppose it in that moment. This seems to me to be a refreshing, honest, and humble approach to living out our lives. What do I believe? When I tell you, be suspicious. Look at how I am living and then you will know what it is that I hold dear.
When I was a child, I distinctly remember sitting through many sermons where the pastor or evangelist challenged the audience to consider whether or not we would withstand tortures of all kinds and die for the faith that each of us claimed at that time. The question typically hung in a heavy silence as each pondered a scenario where one would have to face such a decision. I cannot say what everyone else was going through internally, but at the time, I remember feeling that if I could somehow answer and truly believe that YES! I would become a martyr... that somehow I was a better person and a better Christian. Looking back on those times, it seems like such a misplaced inquiry, grounded in no actual reality and nothing more than a shallow shaming exercise meant to lead one to make false assertions and thus strengthen the religious identity.
However, I understand the benefit of imagining what you might or might not do in any given circumstance, or what you would have done differently if considering the past. But the primary value of such exercises is that it encourages reflection on who you are in the present moment. Such imaginings neither confirm nor deny what you would or would not actually do in the Present moment of the Future. Strip away the illusions of the Self in a future circumstance and what remains is the Self in this moment. Nothing less and nothing more. The reverse can also be stated, let go of the memory of Self in the past, and what is left is a Self who has come into this moment. Nothing less and nothing more.
What this means, then, is that at no moment are we able to stand in judgment of others if our moral high ground is leveled as we come to a deep understanding of our own capacity to do the same as another in the same circumstances. Even if we contemplate our day to day encounters, we might be more inclined to extend grace to an ungracious person because we know that we are not only capable but often culpable of the same.
So, this reflection ultimately has culminated into the realization that I do not need to construct false beliefs that I will be a hero and shun cowardice in a moment where courage is needed. The truth of the matter is, the closest I can come to being a hero is paying attention to right-thinking (orthodoxy) and right-doing (orthopraxy) RIGHT NOW. I can claim that I will act with courage in the hour that it is needed, but indulging in such a fantasy is ultimately worthless. This is Pride, the manifestation of ego, which declares to know the Self by dogmatically constructing an identity around an ideology and thus effectively avoiding true reflection and possible transformation.
Doing flows from being (or, the Do-er is an extension of the Be-er). How am I being in my life right now? What does what I do say about who I am?
We are capable of all things, but not culpable of all things and there is a fine line that runs between them. Realizing this precipitates the welcome death of a false charade of Self.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Tragedy of Gaza
This time a year ago the world watched as Israel launched an offensive in the Gaza strip. I was living in Derry, Northern Ireland at the time. A significant portion of the population in Derry identifies as a people in solidarity with the Palestinians due to the similarities in their conflict. Free Gaza, the graffiti on the walls said. A simulated refugee camp was set up at Free Derry corner. Raytheon (a plant that builds weapons) received more attention than usual and was broken into. People carried Palestinian flags around as they walked the streets. Special lectures and fundraisers were given.
Although I was studying in Northern Ireland as a graduate student in Peace and Conflict studies, I largely observed these things. Not because I did not sympathize with the messages or the people, but because I wanted to take the observer standpoint. I was a foreign student living in society undergoing their own peace process. I was an American student in a foreign country at a time that my country was at war in Iraq and Afghanistan and undergoing a historic election. I was trying to listen and learn and think critically about the onslaught of information that I was taking in from the streets, my books, the lecture halls, the workshops and seminars, the news, and the people who were my friends and those I was in close relationship with.
It was a year of wrestling with Big Questions on all fronts. Identity and war. Nationalism. Terrorism. Aid and development. Colonialism and Imperialism. Statebuilding. The environment. Globalization, global governance, global institutions. Peace processes. The role of education. Northern Ireland. The Balkans. Iraq. Cambodia. Rwanda. Congo. Israel and Palestine and of course, Gaza.
Through all of it, I struggled to understand. Struggled to listen. Struggled to reserve judgment and understand the human story in all sides. Struggled to see justice. Sometimes struggled to hope.
The rest of this blog deals with a time towards the end of my year in Derry when I let go of the desire to be an observer and a learner and allowed myself to grieve in my heart and with my body and to let the grief spill over into this blog and its writing. I did not publish it at the time because I was not physically or emotionally able to follow up on the bibliography the way that I wanted to. But one year after the tragedy of Gaza, I return to that moment and offer this up to whoever will read it as a story that needs to be told and heard.
Written in Summer 2009 but edited and updated in parts:
I saw a play tonight called Seven Jewish Children at the Derry Playhouse. The play lasted 10 minutes in which 7 different characters (who you quickly figure out are Jewish) give brief monologues about what to “tell her,” a daughter or granddaughter. The play was powerful and moving. I could explain the play but if you have 10 minutes, it is worth watching one of the versions on YouTube. (I’ve selected this one done in Chicago because of the relatively good sound quality. Each rendition of this play is done differently, which was intentional on the part of the playwright Caryl Churchill who wanted it to be adopted all around the world, which it was.
After the play, a panel sat on stage and conducted a discussion. One woman was with Amnesty International. Two men were actors in the play. One was a medical doctor who recently went on a medical mission to Gaza. The dialogue was powerful and poignant, particularly when parallels were drawn into the context here in Northern Ireland, and even Derry specifically. Reflections on how the oppressed can become oppressors.
But the play is on the back of my mind right now. I just picked up Amnesty International’s report on “Operation Cast Lead,” the Israeli offensive into the Gaza strip for 22 days starting December 27, 2008 and ending January18, 2009. I had to put it down several times. I sat in silence for a few moments after reading through it and I had to write. I only have 56 of the 106 pages of the report. But it is enough…I have to write.
Before I give my own summary of this report in a made-up interview style, I must make several things abundantly clear. First of all, this will be difficult to read. Secondly, this is a human tragedy that cannot be justified regardless of your politics, religion, or beliefs about Israel or Palestine. Thirdly, I am not “against Israel.” To be frank, it’s not even relevant in regards to what happened earlier this year in Gaza, and I refuse to engage in a dialogue that forces me to stand in a FOR or AGAINST corner, as if either of these categories truly exist with justification.
Therefore, whenever I refer to “Israel” in this blog, it is to refer to the leaders within the borders of the nation-state of Israel who are responsible for making the decision to launch this attack on Gaza and those in Israel who support that decision. (And as a matter of critical inquiry, how do we expect to have constructive conversation when we resort to reductionist phrases such as “I am FOR or AGAINST [insert a nation here]?” What does one mean? Are you FOR all of their international policies? Some of them? What about their domestic ones? Are you FOR their military? The existence of their military or supportive of the decisions of the military? Are you FOR all of their people? Some of them? Are you FOR their culture? Which ones? The mainstream? The minority groups? Are you FOR their religion? Which one? What are you really FOR or AGAINST? Sure it is semantics, but what do we really mean when we make these statements?)
However, as many of you will know, I have been to Israel and hope to return some day. I went with a friend of mine who is Israeli and was welcomed into Israeli homes by wonderful Israeli people. Although this is a different conversation, in general, I do not support the use of violence by any State or any militant. I am writing this, because I feel compelled to. I am angry. I am outraged. I am grieved. I feel compelled to write this to help me process what I just read but also because there are a handful of people who read this who care about the world and its peoples as well. And as an American, I feel compelled to write this given the United States’ role in Israel and Palestine and also the fact that we supply Israel with lots of weapons (click HERE and here and HERE) . In this, we the American people need to recognize our country’s role in this conflict.
That was a pretty emotionally charged introduction, Sam. Who are these people and what happened to them during those 22 days?
There are about 1.5 million Palestinians living in Gaza, which is a piece of land that runs against the Mediterranean Sea. They are blockaded in and not allowed in or out and will be shot no questions asked by the Israeli army if they come within half a mile of the walled border. During those 22 days, 1,400 Palestinians were killed. 300 of them were children. Hundreds of them were unarmed civilians. Thousands more were injured.
How did they die?
Air strikes. Tank shelling. Close-range shootings. White phosphorus. Mortars. Flechettes. Bleeding to death or dying from lack of medical attention or the direct denial of medical attention. As human shields. They were killed or maimed in their homes, in their gardens, on their roofs, in their schools, and even from within a UN compound. Sometimes while they slept.
I think I saw tanks and missiles on TV. But what is white phosphorus? Or flechettes?
A document signed by Colonel Dr. Gil Hirschorn states:
“When the white phosphorus comes in contact with living tissue it causes its damage by ‘eating’ away at it. Characteristics of a phosphorus wound are: chemical burns accompanied by extreme pain, damage to tissue…the phosphorus may seep into the body and damage internal organs.”(Amnesty Report, 2009, p.36)
Flechettes are 3.5 cm-long steel darts. Between 5,000 and 8,000 of these darts are packed into shells which are generally fired from tanks. They explode and scatter. Israel bought these weapons from the USA after the 1973 war and have thousands of these shells in warehouses. They are not regarded as reliable or effective and gunners have a difficult time in aiming this properly.
People were hit with white phosphorous and flechettes?
Yes. Israelis forces air-bursted white phosphorous artillery shells over residential areas of Gaza. Sabah Abu Halima, mother of 10 says that on the afternoon of January 4, 2009, she and her family were at home in the Sayafa area. She told Amnesty,
“Everything caught fire. My husband and four children burned alive in front of my eyes; my baby girl, Shahed, my only girl, melted in my arms. How can a mother have to see her children burn alive? I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t help them. I was on fire. Now I am still burning all over, I am in pain day and night; I am suffering terribly.” (picture included with her wounds in the report.)
Israel denied using white phosphorous for 10 days after the first reported case (which had never been seen before in Gaza. Medical doctors did not know what they were dealing with). Israel maintains that they used the chemicals in accordance with International Law which states that white phosphorous can be used as an obscurant or smokescreen in open areas where combatants are caught under fire in the open. Using white phosphorus in densely populated areas where these conditions are not met is a violation of international law.
Click HERE to see a CNN report one year on at a victim of white phosphorous burns. The doctor in this film has a one-year wait-list for plastic surgery due to these burns.
But Israel was being attacked, weren’t they?
Yes. Palestinian militants fired hundreds of missiles into Southern Israel and killed 13 Israelis at that time and 518 were injured. Given that the Israeli government’s one strand of legitimation (according to the Israeli government and others who believe security is still solely dependent on violence, especially pre-emptive violence…) is the Palestinian terrorism campaign, Palestinian terrorist themselves cannot really claim to be providing protection for their community or really furthering the plight of their community in any way. But I have not ever experienced or witnessed violence in this way, so I can only sympathize with any human marred by violence and recognize that I may be seen to be pronouncing statements from a moral high ground. What is more relevant is the work of those who are looking towards nonviolent solutions to this particular conflict. They are not given press by a violence-hungry media. See “Additional Information” below for several groups who are nonviolently protesting violence and human right’s abuses.
Click HERE for CNN’s look at One Year On in Sderot—Israeli town in Southern Israel. Operation Cast Lead was considered a total success by two individuals in this report.
Where did you get all this information? Is this one-sided propaganda or what?
Read for yourself. There are already numerous links throughout this blog. Below are other resources. Someone very close to me once told me, “you better get your facts straight before you try to make a point.” I took that to heart. This is not hidden information, though it is often not reported as such, particularly in the United States. The Israeli government and army denies the validity of these reports (click HERE for their response to the Amnesty International Report) but it is documented throughout this conflict that Israel has provided false information, changed their story, dropped charges which they claimed as facts, and has been unable to provide counter evidence to any of the internationally recognized legitimate reports from numerous media outlets and by well-established human rights organizations such as Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch. Israeli soldiers involved in Operation Cast Lead have also come forth with information to verify these reports.
What do you want me to do with this information though? It’s sad, but does it really matter to my life?
That is not for me to answer. To tackle the second question first, it could matter to your life and it does whether or not you realize it. As previously state, the United States is Israel’s strongest ally. We sell them lots of weapons. We fund them in lots of other ways. We support them politically, militarily, and economically. Figure out a way to reach out to others on this matter, including with your vote if you so choose (though it is unlikely given the history of the US relation with Israel that either Democrats or Republicans will put significant pressure on Israel to address this in a meaningful way).
For me, a part of my response was this blog, though I am fully aware that this blog will not result in direct material changes in Gaza. I wrestle often with these questions. What do I do? What do we do? I don’t know. But I do know that every time we insist passively that "the world is too big and complex" we are absolving ourselves from the ability to think, act, and dialogue with others.
The world does not need more individuals in pulpits. I’m not convinced we need more well-intentioned do-gooders on crusades to purge themselves of their guilt with well-meaning but misplaced and potentially invasive actions either. However, we could sure use a bit more compassion, moral judgment, and right-living. Shall we explore meaningful dialogue, reflection, justice, and true compassion? In the case of Gaza, can we acknowledge this tragedy and call for recognition from the Israeli government of its actions last January? Can we support an international structure and rule of law for war crimes? Can we call for more to be done about weapons supply? Settlements in the Occupied Territories?
What do you think?
Additional Information available online at:
Amnesty International: Operation Cast Lead Report
UN Report on Emergency Operations in Gaza
Courage to Refuse. Over 500 Israeli Soldiers who refuse to serve in the military. “We shall not continue to fight beyond the 1967 borders in order to dominate, expel, starve and humiliate an entire people. We hereby declare that we shall continue serving in the Israel Defense Forces in any mission that serves Israel’s defense. The missions of occupation and oppression do not serve this purpose – and we shall take no part in them.”)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cMs0nai4JQ: Israeli Soldiers Refusing to Serve in the Military at a protest
Gaza, One Year On. “One year later and 20,000 people are still displaced, living with relatives, or in makeshift shacks. Many of them have almost resigned themselves to living in temporary accommodations permanently... According to a report issued by the UN Conference on Trade and Development, the damage to the civilian infrastructure after the war equals four times the size of the Gaza economy.”
Human Rights Watch Report: Rockets from Gaza
Human Rights Watch Report: Gaza Civilian Deaths
Human Rights Watch: White Flag Deaths in Operation Cast Lead
Rabbis for Human Rights
www.guardian.co.uk/world/gaza (Video about civilian deaths due to Israeli drones)
www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2010/jan/04/gaza-palestinian-territories (situation today)
www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,581231,00.html
www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2009/mar/23/israel-gaza-human-shields (Palestinian Used as a Human Shield)
*Some of this information was also discussed by Robert Fisk in a lecture I attended on various situations in the Middle East that I attended at the University of Ulster in 2009.
Although I was studying in Northern Ireland as a graduate student in Peace and Conflict studies, I largely observed these things. Not because I did not sympathize with the messages or the people, but because I wanted to take the observer standpoint. I was a foreign student living in society undergoing their own peace process. I was an American student in a foreign country at a time that my country was at war in Iraq and Afghanistan and undergoing a historic election. I was trying to listen and learn and think critically about the onslaught of information that I was taking in from the streets, my books, the lecture halls, the workshops and seminars, the news, and the people who were my friends and those I was in close relationship with.
It was a year of wrestling with Big Questions on all fronts. Identity and war. Nationalism. Terrorism. Aid and development. Colonialism and Imperialism. Statebuilding. The environment. Globalization, global governance, global institutions. Peace processes. The role of education. Northern Ireland. The Balkans. Iraq. Cambodia. Rwanda. Congo. Israel and Palestine and of course, Gaza.
Through all of it, I struggled to understand. Struggled to listen. Struggled to reserve judgment and understand the human story in all sides. Struggled to see justice. Sometimes struggled to hope.
The rest of this blog deals with a time towards the end of my year in Derry when I let go of the desire to be an observer and a learner and allowed myself to grieve in my heart and with my body and to let the grief spill over into this blog and its writing. I did not publish it at the time because I was not physically or emotionally able to follow up on the bibliography the way that I wanted to. But one year after the tragedy of Gaza, I return to that moment and offer this up to whoever will read it as a story that needs to be told and heard.
Written in Summer 2009 but edited and updated in parts:
I saw a play tonight called Seven Jewish Children at the Derry Playhouse. The play lasted 10 minutes in which 7 different characters (who you quickly figure out are Jewish) give brief monologues about what to “tell her,” a daughter or granddaughter. The play was powerful and moving. I could explain the play but if you have 10 minutes, it is worth watching one of the versions on YouTube. (I’ve selected this one done in Chicago because of the relatively good sound quality. Each rendition of this play is done differently, which was intentional on the part of the playwright Caryl Churchill who wanted it to be adopted all around the world, which it was.
After the play, a panel sat on stage and conducted a discussion. One woman was with Amnesty International. Two men were actors in the play. One was a medical doctor who recently went on a medical mission to Gaza. The dialogue was powerful and poignant, particularly when parallels were drawn into the context here in Northern Ireland, and even Derry specifically. Reflections on how the oppressed can become oppressors.
But the play is on the back of my mind right now. I just picked up Amnesty International’s report on “Operation Cast Lead,” the Israeli offensive into the Gaza strip for 22 days starting December 27, 2008 and ending January18, 2009. I had to put it down several times. I sat in silence for a few moments after reading through it and I had to write. I only have 56 of the 106 pages of the report. But it is enough…I have to write.
Before I give my own summary of this report in a made-up interview style, I must make several things abundantly clear. First of all, this will be difficult to read. Secondly, this is a human tragedy that cannot be justified regardless of your politics, religion, or beliefs about Israel or Palestine. Thirdly, I am not “against Israel.” To be frank, it’s not even relevant in regards to what happened earlier this year in Gaza, and I refuse to engage in a dialogue that forces me to stand in a FOR or AGAINST corner, as if either of these categories truly exist with justification.
Therefore, whenever I refer to “Israel” in this blog, it is to refer to the leaders within the borders of the nation-state of Israel who are responsible for making the decision to launch this attack on Gaza and those in Israel who support that decision. (And as a matter of critical inquiry, how do we expect to have constructive conversation when we resort to reductionist phrases such as “I am FOR or AGAINST [insert a nation here]?” What does one mean? Are you FOR all of their international policies? Some of them? What about their domestic ones? Are you FOR their military? The existence of their military or supportive of the decisions of the military? Are you FOR all of their people? Some of them? Are you FOR their culture? Which ones? The mainstream? The minority groups? Are you FOR their religion? Which one? What are you really FOR or AGAINST? Sure it is semantics, but what do we really mean when we make these statements?)
However, as many of you will know, I have been to Israel and hope to return some day. I went with a friend of mine who is Israeli and was welcomed into Israeli homes by wonderful Israeli people. Although this is a different conversation, in general, I do not support the use of violence by any State or any militant. I am writing this, because I feel compelled to. I am angry. I am outraged. I am grieved. I feel compelled to write this to help me process what I just read but also because there are a handful of people who read this who care about the world and its peoples as well. And as an American, I feel compelled to write this given the United States’ role in Israel and Palestine and also the fact that we supply Israel with lots of weapons (click HERE and here and HERE) . In this, we the American people need to recognize our country’s role in this conflict.
That was a pretty emotionally charged introduction, Sam. Who are these people and what happened to them during those 22 days?
There are about 1.5 million Palestinians living in Gaza, which is a piece of land that runs against the Mediterranean Sea. They are blockaded in and not allowed in or out and will be shot no questions asked by the Israeli army if they come within half a mile of the walled border. During those 22 days, 1,400 Palestinians were killed. 300 of them were children. Hundreds of them were unarmed civilians. Thousands more were injured.
How did they die?
Air strikes. Tank shelling. Close-range shootings. White phosphorus. Mortars. Flechettes. Bleeding to death or dying from lack of medical attention or the direct denial of medical attention. As human shields. They were killed or maimed in their homes, in their gardens, on their roofs, in their schools, and even from within a UN compound. Sometimes while they slept.
I think I saw tanks and missiles on TV. But what is white phosphorus? Or flechettes?
A document signed by Colonel Dr. Gil Hirschorn states:
“When the white phosphorus comes in contact with living tissue it causes its damage by ‘eating’ away at it. Characteristics of a phosphorus wound are: chemical burns accompanied by extreme pain, damage to tissue…the phosphorus may seep into the body and damage internal organs.”(Amnesty Report, 2009, p.36)
Flechettes are 3.5 cm-long steel darts. Between 5,000 and 8,000 of these darts are packed into shells which are generally fired from tanks. They explode and scatter. Israel bought these weapons from the USA after the 1973 war and have thousands of these shells in warehouses. They are not regarded as reliable or effective and gunners have a difficult time in aiming this properly.
People were hit with white phosphorous and flechettes?
Yes. Israelis forces air-bursted white phosphorous artillery shells over residential areas of Gaza. Sabah Abu Halima, mother of 10 says that on the afternoon of January 4, 2009, she and her family were at home in the Sayafa area. She told Amnesty,
“Everything caught fire. My husband and four children burned alive in front of my eyes; my baby girl, Shahed, my only girl, melted in my arms. How can a mother have to see her children burn alive? I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t help them. I was on fire. Now I am still burning all over, I am in pain day and night; I am suffering terribly.” (picture included with her wounds in the report.)
Israel denied using white phosphorous for 10 days after the first reported case (which had never been seen before in Gaza. Medical doctors did not know what they were dealing with). Israel maintains that they used the chemicals in accordance with International Law which states that white phosphorous can be used as an obscurant or smokescreen in open areas where combatants are caught under fire in the open. Using white phosphorus in densely populated areas where these conditions are not met is a violation of international law.
Click HERE to see a CNN report one year on at a victim of white phosphorous burns. The doctor in this film has a one-year wait-list for plastic surgery due to these burns.
But Israel was being attacked, weren’t they?
Yes. Palestinian militants fired hundreds of missiles into Southern Israel and killed 13 Israelis at that time and 518 were injured. Given that the Israeli government’s one strand of legitimation (according to the Israeli government and others who believe security is still solely dependent on violence, especially pre-emptive violence…) is the Palestinian terrorism campaign, Palestinian terrorist themselves cannot really claim to be providing protection for their community or really furthering the plight of their community in any way. But I have not ever experienced or witnessed violence in this way, so I can only sympathize with any human marred by violence and recognize that I may be seen to be pronouncing statements from a moral high ground. What is more relevant is the work of those who are looking towards nonviolent solutions to this particular conflict. They are not given press by a violence-hungry media. See “Additional Information” below for several groups who are nonviolently protesting violence and human right’s abuses.
Click HERE for CNN’s look at One Year On in Sderot—Israeli town in Southern Israel. Operation Cast Lead was considered a total success by two individuals in this report.
Where did you get all this information? Is this one-sided propaganda or what?
Read for yourself. There are already numerous links throughout this blog. Below are other resources. Someone very close to me once told me, “you better get your facts straight before you try to make a point.” I took that to heart. This is not hidden information, though it is often not reported as such, particularly in the United States. The Israeli government and army denies the validity of these reports (click HERE for their response to the Amnesty International Report) but it is documented throughout this conflict that Israel has provided false information, changed their story, dropped charges which they claimed as facts, and has been unable to provide counter evidence to any of the internationally recognized legitimate reports from numerous media outlets and by well-established human rights organizations such as Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch. Israeli soldiers involved in Operation Cast Lead have also come forth with information to verify these reports.
What do you want me to do with this information though? It’s sad, but does it really matter to my life?
That is not for me to answer. To tackle the second question first, it could matter to your life and it does whether or not you realize it. As previously state, the United States is Israel’s strongest ally. We sell them lots of weapons. We fund them in lots of other ways. We support them politically, militarily, and economically. Figure out a way to reach out to others on this matter, including with your vote if you so choose (though it is unlikely given the history of the US relation with Israel that either Democrats or Republicans will put significant pressure on Israel to address this in a meaningful way).
For me, a part of my response was this blog, though I am fully aware that this blog will not result in direct material changes in Gaza. I wrestle often with these questions. What do I do? What do we do? I don’t know. But I do know that every time we insist passively that "the world is too big and complex" we are absolving ourselves from the ability to think, act, and dialogue with others.
The world does not need more individuals in pulpits. I’m not convinced we need more well-intentioned do-gooders on crusades to purge themselves of their guilt with well-meaning but misplaced and potentially invasive actions either. However, we could sure use a bit more compassion, moral judgment, and right-living. Shall we explore meaningful dialogue, reflection, justice, and true compassion? In the case of Gaza, can we acknowledge this tragedy and call for recognition from the Israeli government of its actions last January? Can we support an international structure and rule of law for war crimes? Can we call for more to be done about weapons supply? Settlements in the Occupied Territories?
What do you think?
Additional Information available online at:
Amnesty International: Operation Cast Lead Report
UN Report on Emergency Operations in Gaza
Courage to Refuse. Over 500 Israeli Soldiers who refuse to serve in the military. “We shall not continue to fight beyond the 1967 borders in order to dominate, expel, starve and humiliate an entire people. We hereby declare that we shall continue serving in the Israel Defense Forces in any mission that serves Israel’s defense. The missions of occupation and oppression do not serve this purpose – and we shall take no part in them.”)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cMs0nai4JQ: Israeli Soldiers Refusing to Serve in the Military at a protest
Gaza, One Year On. “One year later and 20,000 people are still displaced, living with relatives, or in makeshift shacks. Many of them have almost resigned themselves to living in temporary accommodations permanently... According to a report issued by the UN Conference on Trade and Development, the damage to the civilian infrastructure after the war equals four times the size of the Gaza economy.”
Human Rights Watch Report: Rockets from Gaza
Human Rights Watch Report: Gaza Civilian Deaths
Human Rights Watch: White Flag Deaths in Operation Cast Lead
Rabbis for Human Rights
www.guardian.co.uk/world/gaza (Video about civilian deaths due to Israeli drones)
www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2010/jan/04/gaza-palestinian-territories (situation today)
www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,581231,00.html
www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2009/mar/23/israel-gaza-human-shields (Palestinian Used as a Human Shield)
*Some of this information was also discussed by Robert Fisk in a lecture I attended on various situations in the Middle East that I attended at the University of Ulster in 2009.
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